Letters To My Romeo
by Nephi Lockwood
Summary: The unknown letters that Bella wrote but never sent to Edward during the months before she found Jake. Bella/Edward. Rated T because I'm paranoid.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: I wrote this awhile ago, not sure what it was. But now I realize just how perfectly it fits in during New Moon, when Bella is consumed by grief for Edward. This takes place during those pages when all it says on it is the month. It is a highly depressing series of letters that will never be read, from Bella to Edward. **

**I do not own any characters in the world of Twilight, nor do I own any part of the saga.  
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**I have nothing else to say, so enjoy!

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****# 1**

**Edward,**

You're gone.

I always knew that this day would come, the day when you'd leave me. But now that it has, I can barely breathe from the pain of your departure. I can not bear to tell you how much I miss you, because something deep inside my heart tells me that it would hurt you.

I'm trying to be strong, my love. Truly, I am trying. Trying with all my might. But sometimes the pain is unbearable. Sometimes the hole in my heart hurts so much that I think I'm dying. I _need _you. More than you could ever know. I have _always_ needed you.

But I am just one person, an ordinary human at that. Nothing special about me. You should do what you believe best for your family. I'm not so stupid and selfish that I can't see that.

But sometimes, when I realize that I am not dreaming, this reality tears me apart.

Hopefully you will never find this letter. I doubt that you will since you are most likely never coming back, but I just…I can't let you find this. I can't bear to let you know the pain that this causes me. How there's a gaping hole in my chest that won't stop bleeding until you come back to me. Alive. I don't know what I would do if it were only your ashes that came back to me. It would kill me. The thought is too horrible to even think about. I mustn't dwell on that, or I might go insane with worry.

I love you so much. _Too_ much.

It's not fair. How can the world be so cruel to _you_? You were just beginning to be happy in life. I can't imagine what this must do to you.

Writing this down- even though no one will ever know what I it says besides me- helps me deal with your betrayal. The paper can absorb the pain, the worry.

Maybe I can get through this.

I await your return in a world of constant rain that will only cease to fall with the arrival of the light. With your return, the world will once again be a beautiful sunny paradise. And I'll be a stronger woman than the one you left, the one who practically _begged_ for you to stay.

I'll love you forever.

**Bella**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: I do not own Twilight. Twilight is the creation of Stephanie Meyer.

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**# 2**

**Edward,**

The pain can ease, maybe even fade, but I know that this will scar us both, rather you choose to believe it or not.

This journal- that's what it is now- helps me keep the pain at bay.

But nothing can stop the horror of my nightmares.

What I see there is worse than you have ever seen, even in the minds of people. The horrors in my own mind are beyond your wildest imagination. I wake up screaming every night.

You thought that I could handle this. I can't. The closest I get to _dealing_ with this is writing everything down in these letters. The pain can be tamed. We both know that. But it can never be fully healed. This cut is just too deep.

Don't blame yourself. I can't blame you for leaving, even though the pain is so bad that I can barely even function properly. You thought that you were doing what was best for me. You can say you don't care all you want, but a stupid, stubborn part of me refuses to believe it. Hence, the letters. On the point of what is best for me, I couldn't disagree more. Though I disagree, I believe that your heart is in the right place. No. Never mind. Actually, your non-beating heart should be _here_, in Forks, _with me_.

Come back to me. Please. My life is not complete without you. I _belong_ with you. We were so _close_! We had almost made it to the finish line. How could you give up when everything we could ever want was right around the corner?

Now, since I'm thinking about it, I can't help wondering if that was why you left. I wonder if you left because you were scared of reaching the finish line. So you gave up.

It's funny. In my mental pictures of you, I've considered you many things. But I've never pictured you as a quitter. I never thought that you would stop racing when we were so close to the end. It just didn't seem like you.

In fact, it still doesn't.

I still love you, and I probably will forever.

**Bella**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: One more after this. **

**I do not own Twilight.

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****# 3**

**Edward,**

I cannot forget you. It is an impossible task. I know that you want me to, but I can't. You can't always get what you want.

And _I_ don't want to forget you.

So I deliberately remember things now, things we went through together, so that I can convince myself that what we had was real.

Is it sad that I still wish for you to tell me that you made a mistake and still need me?

My control is slipping, love. Please come back.

The rain continues to pour for me, though for everyone else the sun is shining for once, perfect weather.

But my life can never be perfect without _you_ in it. Why is that such a hard thing for you to understand? Why is that so terrible?

The hole in my heart burns me, crippling me with the sharpness of the pain. I'm crippled at eighteen. How sad is _that_? But you are the only one that I will ever love. I know that I am not imagining things when I realize that you feel the same way.

Our connection was too potent to deny, though you try your hardest to do so. _Please_ come back to me. I try so hard to go back to my old life, what I had before you, but when I met you, it was like I just woke up from a dream, that my old life never really happened. I told myself that I'd never really lived until I met you, which is ironic, since you're technically dead.

No one has ever produced such a strong reaction from me before. I used to be the unmeltable ice sculpture, the one that didn't feel. I never believed that it was possible for me to find my soul mate.

You _are_ my soul mate. Stop denying it.

I'll love you forever.

Forever and Always, my love.

**Bella**


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: Last Chapter!

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**# 4**

**Edward,**

My heart belongs to you alone. Get that through your head! I won't forget. I can't forget, even if I try.

You were so much more than a crush to me, even if that's all that I am to you. I want you to come back. I _need_ you to come back. That's the only way to stop the pain.

My love, please return to me, I beg you. I know somehow that this is as hard for you as it is for me. Give in. Make it easier.

Come back.

You were a part of me, a wonderful, beautiful part. Now that you're gone, that part of me has been ripped away. Please, if I meant anything to you at all, come back. Or call me for all I care! Contact me some way.

You at least owe me that much.

I'm beginning to think the worst of you. You led me on, disappearing into the night, not knowing how that betrayal would affect me. You just automatically assumed that yours was the only solution.

How could you do this to me?

I honestly believed, and a stubborn part of me _still_ believes, that you loved me. If that makes me delusional, then I am delusional. Whatever. But I still believe that what we had couldn't just vanish.

What happened at the party was _nothing_. Don't give me that crap about how much worse it could have been, or how you always expected this to happen.

Please come back. The pain won't leave me alone until you do.

I will always love you.

**Bella**


End file.
